Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
I have always felt pressure to do, to be more. That I am never good enough. My clothes aren't right, I am not the right weight, my hair is not the right color, I am not doing enough for my decorating blog, I need to do more projects, and on and on and on. And now that I am a mom it is compounded even more. What is your child doing now, mine child is doing this, what are your feeding your child, how much is he sleeping, etc, etc, etc.! You can drive yourself crazy. Through the past 11 months, God has helped me to let go of some of that pressure with Brayson but for some reason I can't let go of it elsewhere.
I need to remember this verse:
"The Lord your God is with you,
He is mighty to save.
He will take great delight in you,
He will quiet you with His love,
He will rejoice over you with singing."
- Zephaniah 3:17
I want to be delighted in, I want to be quieted with HIS love, I want to hear Him rejoicing over me with singing. Lord help me to hear You.
Pray this verse for yourself and I hope and pray you hear His rejoicing over you.
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Thursday, June 24, 2010
This blog will still be about my life, what is going on in my family, what I am learning from the Lord, etc. So stay with me here too!
Here goes something....(instead of nothing)
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
"Darling, I don't know why I go to extremes. Too high or too low, there ain't no in between."
If you know me, you know that generally I am a pretty laid back person. So you might not understand how this applies to me. Where I go to extremes is goals and expectations I place on myself. I set a high and lofty goal (the high) and then fail at one point or the other and just give up (the low). And most of the time, no one knows the goals I have set. So no one knows my failures.
I also see wonderful things from friends and other bloggers that I want to do or inspire me but I get overwhelmed and don't even try because I feel like I have to make these big leaps and bounds instead of taking baby steps.
Why am I so hard on myself? Why am I my worst critic? I think I have so bought into the world's view of success and what it means to get there. I constantly feel like I am late to the party and a failure. But who says I have to be on the world's timeline. Who cares that I became a Mother at 38? Who cares that I am just figuring out things that I am passionate about? Who cares that I may fail? It doesn't matter what the world thinks. What matters is I am who God created me to be. If called me to be a Mom later in life - so be it! I love it! If I never teach another Bible Study or speak - so be it! As long as I am where the Lord wants me. If it takes me a long time to develop my passion for decoarting - so be it!
So here goes a baby step for me - I am really learning that I really have a love/passion for decorating. I guess I come by it honestly since my Dad was an Interior Designer. I love Decorating books, decorating magazines, fabrics, colors, furniture, etc. So this summer I have started my inspiration book of what I like. I am also reading Open Your Eyes by Alexandra Stoddard. It is a book I bought a few years ago.
I am debating whether to do decorating inspiration/ideas here on this blog or develop a different blog. Hmmmm.....we will see. Remember - baby steps. ;)
My other passion is teaching the Word of God. I love it. There is nothing like digging into the Word and listening to what the Lord has to say to me. But having a baby has put things on hold. And that is sooo okay! I am doing my own study on Joshua. But it is slow going. I am struggling with getting up in the morning. It is so hard when I love sleep and I am sleep deprived. So my baby step here is to get up 10 minutes earlier. Then work my way up. So I am posting it here. So feel free to ask me how I am doing.
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Like I have said before in some posts, I never knew I would love being a Mom. I was not one of those girls growing up who knew they wanted to be a Mommy. That just wasn't a desire of mine. I honestly never thought I would have kids. I have always liked kids. Never have minded babysitting. I think a big part of it is also being a child of divorce. I saw how much my Mom struggled being a single Mom raising 3 kids. Mind you my brothers are twins and are 2.5 years younger than me. So my Mom had her hands full. She did the best she could raising us but it was a struggle. I never wanted to go through that. And that fear probably fed the mentality of not having kids.
So here comes New Years Jan. 2009 - I told the Lord if He wanted me to have kids, I was willing. I did not want to miss out on any blessing He had for me. Bam - a few weeks later I get pregnant. And as many of you know that was a total surprise. I call it the Lord's shock and awe plan for me. I struggled a lot during my pregnancy and during the first few weeks after Brayson was born. I believe I went through a little bought of Post Partum Depression. But after the Lord pulled me through that, I have truly loved being Brayson's Mom. It is not easy. It is very hard at times. Sleep deprivation is a killer. But I know all of it is worth it. Especially when I see this smile:
Or we have our little laugh fests. He is so much fun and such a joy. He is one of the greatest things that has happened in my life. Besides first of all knowing Christ and then marrying Wendell.
I feel like I am more of who I am supposed to be and the other things that I believe God has for me will fall into place at the right time. I am so glad knows what is best for me better than I do. So much better.
Friday, April 23, 2010
My problem is Time. Being a new mom, learning to use my time wisely is a delicate thing. There are so many things that need to be done and so many things that I would like to do.
The first thing that I have to do is spend time with God every day. I won't know what I need to do or focus on that day without being in tune with the Lord. He tells me to come to Him to get rest. He tells me to come to Him for wisdom and He will give it. He is the One who created the day and He is the One who created me. So I need to come to Him for my day, my time, my purpose, my direction.
I need to cut some things out or widdle them down. I need to really evaluate what activities to do. Especially on the weekends because our family time is so precious. I need to widdle down my TV time. I love to watch TV and I get sucked in so easily. I need to purge some things to be more organized and not overwhelmed.
I need to prioritize what is most important to me. My relationship with the Lord, my marriage, Brayson, family, etc.
I need to set realistic goals. I need to figure out what realistic is for me now.
I need to spend time on Sunday night to write out what needs to be done and what I would like to do during the week. Then break it down in realistic bites for each day and see what can be put on the back burner for that week if I can't get to it.
Learn to let go when I need to let go.
I have had quite a few friends have babies recently. One couple has had triplets. I have had two friends have babies this week. Now that I have had a child, I get more excited when babies are born. And can empathize with all the crazy emotions you have after you have your baby. Sometimes it can be so hard. So my friends have been on my heart and I have been praying for them a lot. They were the focus of my prayer journal today.
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
1. Finish reading "The Practice of the Presence of God" by Brother Lawrence and write a blog entry about some of my thoughts.
I am trying to learn to be more content at work right now. This book so far has been an encouragement to me.
2. Make a blog entry about Motherhood by Mother's Day.
This one is especially for my friend Rene. ;) But also for me because I need to get some of my thoughts out.
Tomorrow is Brainstorm Journal.
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
This is one of my dreams - what is one of yours?
Tomorrow - Action Journal
Monday, April 19, 2010
- I am thankful that God has changed my views on being a Mom.
- I am thankful that I am happy that I am a Mom.
- I am thankful that I love being Brayson's Mom.
- I am thankful for Wendell's love and patience.
- I am thankful for how hard he works to provide for our family.
- I am thankful that God does not give up on me.
So what are you thankful for?
Tomorrow's entry - Dream Journal
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Well she sent out a little challenge for journaling and I meant to do it this week but yesterday got away from me. But here is the challenge:
DAY 1. Grateful/thankful Journal. On one page, list everything that comes to mind.
DAY 2. Dream Journal. What is a dream in your heart that won't go away?
DAY 3. Action Journal. What big or small "to-do's" come to mind. Make a list.
DAY 4. Brainstorm Journal about an unresolved problem. No idea is a bad idea. List every idea on one sheet.
DAY 5. Prayer Journal. Talk to God about someone who needs His help.
So I am going to start this next week on Monday. Do you want to join me?
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
- Brayson is 6 months old now. He is my beautiful baby boy and he will be one before I know it. Will post a picture soon.
- Wendell and I watched "Julie and Julia" this weekend. I really liked it and it has inspired me to buy Julia Child's cookbook "Mastering the Art of French Cooking". Now I am not sure when I would have time to make these wonderful meals, but we will see.
- I want to start a study on the life of Joshua. Haven't started yet.
- Resigned my position as Bible Study Coordinator at my church. I just feel I need to focus on being a wife and mom right now. Especially during Brayson's first year. I will only have this time once with him.
- I am learning how to take little steps in the things I would like to do. Meaning, there are so many things I want to do but being a new mom, I only have little chunks of time here and there. I need to cut some things out so I can focus on what I want to do.
- The Lord is teaching more and more that I need to wait for his timing.
So there are some of my random thoughts. More randomness later.
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
I was so tired last week and so sore, it has been hard to get up the gumption to work out.
I still have two more days this week. So we will see. Of course I am so secretly hoping that it snows so much tomorrow that I don't have to go to work and I can stay home and snuggle with my boy.
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
It has been a long time since I have really posted on my blog. A lot has happened in the past year. A year ago at this time I got pregnant and did not even know it until March. Brayson was born on Oct. 1st. He was 2 weeks early. Which I am glad because it gave me a full 3 months maternity leave with him.
I went through a lot of struggles about what God was doing in my life during and after my pregnancy last year. I was supposed to start Dallas Theological Seminary in May. I swore this was what the Lord was leading me to do. Then I found out I was pregnant and that changed everything.
God has done such a big work in me since then. I am so glad Brayson is here. I love him so much. He is at this very cute stage where he is talking, smiling, and laughing. It brings such joy to my heart when he smiles at me. I think I have the cutest boy ever! Of course, I am not biased. ;)
So which brings me to my word for the year. Last year it was follow - little did I know how God would use that! This year I feel the Lord is leading me to ENJOY! Last year was a hard year for me and I did not enjoy a lot of it. It was hard and frustrating. But I feel it is time to put that behind me and choose joy and enjoy the life that the Lord has given me.
So how is that working right now - I want to enjoy my first year with Brayson. Enjoy our first year as a family. He is only this age once and I don't want to wish my time away. Who knows if I will ever have another little one so this may be my only chance. I don't want to look back and regret not enjoying these moments as a new family.
I want to enjoy my relationship with the Lord.
I want to enjoy who God has made me to be.
I want to enjoy this phase of my life.
So we will see what God does this year!