Last night Brayson and I were dancing to Billy Joel's "I Go To Extremes". Billy Joel is one of my faves and this is one of my favorite songs of his. As I was dancing around with Brayson, I was thinking about the words of the song and how I am like this song.
"Darling, I don't know why I go to extremes. Too high or too low, there ain't no in between."
If you know me, you know that generally I am a pretty laid back person. So you might not understand how this applies to me. Where I go to extremes is goals and expectations I place on myself. I set a high and lofty goal (the high) and then fail at one point or the other and just give up (the low). And most of the time, no one knows the goals I have set. So no one knows my failures.
I also see wonderful things from friends and other bloggers that I want to do or inspire me but I get overwhelmed and don't even try because I feel like I have to make these big leaps and bounds instead of taking baby steps.
Why am I so hard on myself? Why am I my worst critic? I think I have so bought into the world's view of success and what it means to get there. I constantly feel like I am late to the party and a failure. But who says I have to be on the world's timeline. Who cares that I became a Mother at 38? Who cares that I am just figuring out things that I am passionate about? Who cares that I may fail? It doesn't matter what the world thinks. What matters is I am who God created me to be. If called me to be a Mom later in life - so be it! I love it! If I never teach another Bible Study or speak - so be it! As long as I am where the Lord wants me. If it takes me a long time to develop my passion for decoarting - so be it!
So here goes a baby step for me - I am really learning that I really have a love/passion for decorating. I guess I come by it honestly since my Dad was an Interior Designer. I love Decorating books, decorating magazines, fabrics, colors, furniture, etc. So this summer I have started my inspiration book of what I like. I am also reading Open Your Eyes by Alexandra Stoddard. It is a book I bought a few years ago.
I am debating whether to do decorating inspiration/ideas here on this blog or develop a different blog. Hmmmm.....we will see. Remember - baby steps. ;)
My other passion is teaching the Word of God. I love it. There is nothing like digging into the Word and listening to what the Lord has to say to me. But having a baby has put things on hold. And that is sooo okay! I am doing my own study on Joshua. But it is slow going. I am struggling with getting up in the morning. It is so hard when I love sleep and I am sleep deprived. So my baby step here is to get up 10 minutes earlier. Then work my way up. So I am posting it here. So feel free to ask me how I am doing.