Like I have said before in some posts, I never knew I would love being a Mom. I was not one of those girls growing up who knew they wanted to be a Mommy. That just wasn't a desire of mine. I honestly never thought I would have kids. I have always liked kids. Never have minded babysitting. I think a big part of it is also being a child of divorce. I saw how much my Mom struggled being a single Mom raising 3 kids. Mind you my brothers are twins and are 2.5 years younger than me. So my Mom had her hands full. She did the best she could raising us but it was a struggle. I never wanted to go through that. And that fear probably fed the mentality of not having kids.
So here comes New Years Jan. 2009 - I told the Lord if He wanted me to have kids, I was willing. I did not want to miss out on any blessing He had for me. Bam - a few weeks later I get pregnant. And as many of you know that was a total surprise. I call it the Lord's shock and awe plan for me. I struggled a lot during my pregnancy and during the first few weeks after Brayson was born. I believe I went through a little bought of Post Partum Depression. But after the Lord pulled me through that, I have truly loved being Brayson's Mom. It is not easy. It is very hard at times. Sleep deprivation is a killer. But I know all of it is worth it. Especially when I see this smile:
Or we have our little laugh fests. He is so much fun and such a joy. He is one of the greatest things that has happened in my life. Besides first of all knowing Christ and then marrying Wendell.
I feel like I am more of who I am supposed to be and the other things that I believe God has for me will fall into place at the right time. I am so glad knows what is best for me better than I do. So much better.
